fringo Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 Gone a bit quiet here so it's about time for a wee joke or two....... I was once applying for a blacksmiths job and was asked if I had any experience shoeing horses. I said no, but i once told a donkey to f*ck off... Quote
fringo Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises." replies the man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove." Quote
Och Aye Posted March 26, 2020 Posted March 26, 2020 This thread definitely needs resurrected. A guy has just driven by on a tractor shouting The End Is Nigh. Think it was Farmer Geddon. Quote
Texas Pete Posted March 26, 2020 Posted March 26, 2020 How could you tell the scarecrow was good at his job? He was out standing in his field. Quote
fringo Posted March 26, 2020 Posted March 26, 2020 I was sat on the edge of the bed last night, pulling off my boxers when the wife said to me : "You spoil those dogs" Quote
killiefaetheferry Posted March 26, 2020 Posted March 26, 2020 2 cows in a field. Which one is on holiday? The wan wi' the wee calf. Quote
fringo Posted March 26, 2020 Posted March 26, 2020 2 minutes ago, killiefaetheferry said: 2 cows in a field. Which one is on holiday? The wan wi' the wee calf. 10 cows in a field. Which one is from the Middle East ? Coo 8. Quote
killiefaetheferry Posted March 26, 2020 Posted March 26, 2020 4 minutes ago, fringo said: 10 cows in a field. Which one is from the Middle East ? Coo 8. Can I still do the Santa one? Quote
Och Aye Posted March 26, 2020 Posted March 26, 2020 I came up with a brand new word today. Plagiarism Quote
fringo Posted March 26, 2020 Posted March 26, 2020 (edited) 10 minutes ago, killiefaetheferry said: Can I still do the Santa one? flintstones ? 😄 Not sure I recall the Santa one ? Edited March 26, 2020 by fringo Quote
killiefaetheferry Posted March 26, 2020 Posted March 26, 2020 12 minutes ago, fringo said: flintstones ? 😄 Not sure I recall the Santa one ? 50 Santas in a line. Which one is gay? Claus 28. Quote
fringo Posted March 26, 2020 Posted March 26, 2020 What's the difference between folk in Dubai and those in Abu Dhabi ? Those in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but those in Abu Dhabi do. Quote
Terry Munro Posted March 26, 2020 Posted March 26, 2020 17 minutes ago, fringo said: What's the difference between folk in Dubai and those in Abu Dhabi ? Those in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but those in Abu Dhabi do. That just made my daughter laugh lol. Thanks Quote
fringo Posted March 26, 2020 Posted March 26, 2020 7 minutes ago, Terry Munro said: That just made my daughter laugh lol. Thanks Delighted to hear that. Plenty more crap jokes where that came from 😁 Quote
fringo Posted March 26, 2020 Posted March 26, 2020 8 minutes ago, Terry Munro said: That just made my daughter laugh lol. Thanks Ask her - Q. What's orange and sounds like a parrot ? A. a carrot ☺️ Quote
bonzo Posted March 26, 2020 Posted March 26, 2020 6 minutes ago, Ally Bongo said: Over 30 years ago i heard a joke upstairs in The Courtyard pub in Hamilton I thought that it was that funny i actually just about did fall off the wee bar stool i was sitting on around the table Maybe it was because i was young and had 4 pints or maybe because i couldnt believe anyone would tell that kind of joke even in the late 80s Some will say it's observational but most will say it's racist stereotyping ... Waiting..... Quote
dandydunn Posted March 26, 2020 Posted March 26, 2020 13 minutes ago, Ally Bongo said: Over 30 years ago i heard a joke upstairs in The Courtyard pub in Hamilton I thought that it was that funny i actually just about did fall off the wee bar stool i was sitting on around the table Maybe it was because i was young and had 4 pints or maybe because i couldnt believe anyone would tell that kind of joke even in the late 80s Some will say it's observational but most will say it's racist stereotyping ... So............ Quote
Jim Beem Posted March 27, 2020 Posted March 27, 2020 Whats the difference between an egg and a wank ? You can beat an egg. 😳 Quote
bonzo Posted March 27, 2020 Posted March 27, 2020 What is white and wears tartan troosers? Rupert the fridge. Quote
fringo Posted March 31, 2020 Posted March 31, 2020 Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman said, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job." The second woman responded, "Oh, that's nothing. I'm thinking of having my a**hole bleached!" "Whoa," replied the first woman. "I just can't picture your husband as a blonde! Quote
fringo Posted March 31, 2020 Posted March 31, 2020 A man was marooned on a desert island. One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit. 'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it. She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a bottle of Scotch and he has a drink. Then she unzips her wet suit a bit more and says, 'And when was the last time you played around?' looks at her in amazement and says: 'You're not telling me you've got a set of golf clubs in there?' Quote
fringo Posted March 31, 2020 Posted March 31, 2020 This week I was asked to do a very important after-dinner speech. I said, 'Do you want me to be funny?' They said, 'No, just be yourself.' Quote
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