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and one more

 

A guy goes into a Scottish baker's.

"How much is that cake?"

"A poond."

"And how much is that one?"

"A poond. All ma cakes are a poond!"

"Oh, OK. What about that one?"

"Ach, that one's two poonds."

"Oh. Why's that then?"

"That's Madeira cake."

 

😕

 

😀

Edited by fringo
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If you are American when you go in the toilet and you are American when you come back out, what are you when you are in there?

Yourapeein.

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Fek me.

I've been back on the TAMB about half an hour catching up, clicked about 5-6 likes or laughs and already run out of my daily quota !???

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Just now, Orraloon said:

How would you know? You've only been here five minutes.

I miss my dugs if She takes them on a ten minute walk aroon’ the block. ☹️

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12 minutes ago, fringo said:

Fek me.

I've been back on the TAMB about half an hour catching up, clicked about 5-6 likes or laughs and already run out of my daily quota !???

Well, stop laughing at your own jokes.

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10 minutes ago, Orraloon said:

Well, stop laughing at your own jokes.

I could have given you a "Like" or "Smiley" for that but quota gone. 😊

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26 minutes ago, TDYER63 said:

Fringo !!

Cant believe you hopped in whilst  I’ve been sat over on the Brexit thread 😟

 

Who the fek is brexit ? 😊

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8 minutes ago, WCTA said:

Not quite but it’s close. 😄

9F013A83-EA4B-40EA-A76C-33DECB8CA63C.jpeg

That makes sense, the other one i couldn't stop seeing the fucking spaniel and obviously not an art fan so couldn't mind what it really looked like.

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14 hours ago, phart said:

That makes sense, the other one i couldn't stop seeing the fucking spaniel and obviously not an art fan so couldn't mind what it really looked like.

I was exactly the same. That pic popped up on Twitter the other day and I was like ‘ffs how did I no see that before?!’ before googling the original 😆

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15 hours ago, phart said:

That makes sense, the other one i couldn't stop seeing the fucking spaniel and obviously not an art fan so couldn't mind what it really looked like.

You and everyone else I think 😂

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I went into a shop today to buy a Dracula costume.

The girl tried to sell me a Manchester United shirt.

I said, 'I think you misheard me, I said I wanted to look like a Count!'

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A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any fucking bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any fucking bread, ask me again and I'll nail your fucking beak to the bar you irritating bastard of a bird!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No"

Duck says: "Got any bread?

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Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"

Mother: "We need the eggs."

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A Dundee lass goes for her first driving lesson. 
 

Instructor says to her “Now I know you’ve not dreved a car before, but do you know the basics? How many gears are there?”

”feve” she replies

”good, and what’s the speed limit on the motorway?”

”70” she tells him

”excellent, now where’s the horn?” for the final question

She instantly replies ”On the road between dundee & Perth”

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