ThistleWhistle Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 A surprised woman 3 inches from my nose and a carraige of people trying not to laugh. I'd been dreaming I was on the last run of my quest for glory in the ski jump and had obviously give it full beans. mate I travelled with said I roared as I launched out of my seat, arms thrust behind me, bent over the table and pulling a difficult jobby face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teecee- Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I was on said train to Bordeux in 1998. Think my 64 cans of lager contributed to the mess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisInAKilt Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 A choc ice under my pillow or a pork curry covered in brown sauce by the side of the bed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
giblet Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I was on said train to Bordeux in 1998. Think my 64 cans of lager contributed to the mess. Was an eventful trip, seem to remember mixing Grouse and Morgans. One hell of a party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie Endell Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Suffice to say the hoose now resembles Peterheid Harbour on a bad day. Is there ever a good day in Peterheid? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teecee- Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Norwegians brought Wine and Rum so my cans were in great demand. Never been so generous in my life as I was on that 1998 train. We even had a Cassette Recorder with traditional music, to which a great deal of man dancing was being undertaken. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orraloon Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I once woke to find 3 pairs of trainers on my living room floor, all with the laces taken out and tied together. Still have no explanation other than sleepwalking, which I was doing a bit of at the time. Would that not be more like "sleep tripping"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orraloon Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 One day I woke up with a pair of baws in my hand and, for once, they were not my own. They were massive and dimpled with some grass stains on them. After a bit of further investigation I managed to work out that they probably belonged to Jack Nicklaus as they had "Golden Bear" stamped on them. Then I remembered the golf course just down the road from my hotel which had giant golf balls as tee markers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Return of Yermaw Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Don't even know where to start with this one so i'll do the wise thing and walk away from the keyboard... I know. Avoid the obvious and there's still too many....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OLAS Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Only a St.Andrew's Cross for a bedsheet. It was the night after St.Andrew's Day I suppose, but went out kilted up. I also had a fishy episode. Danny Bhoy (who used to post on here) and I went up to Starks Park for a game coming on 10 years ago... we decided to get the 'next' train and go for a few jars instead. For a drunken reasons I'm sure, I bought a fish off a local in the pub. Missed our connection to Glasgow and ended up in Larbert for the night. Managed a few final ones at the train station pub, but afterwards we had nowhere to go and a taxi was out of our price range. After two big dugs chasing us then refusing an invitation to a jakey burds hoose who said her boyfriend wouldn't mind, we decided on the train station for a wee bit of shut-eye and to get the first train. Was only after I woke up I realised I had a leaking kipper in my jaiket. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scouse Eddie Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Don't even know where to start with this one so i'll do the wise thing and walk away from the keyboard... Bzzzz does our burd read your posts. We have all got baggage some more than most Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wembley67lisbon Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 A surprised woman 3 inches from my nose and a carraige of people trying not to laugh. I'd been dreaming I was on the last run of my quest for glory in the ski jump and had obviously give it full beans. mate I travelled with said I roared as I launched out of my seat, arms thrust behind me, bent over the table and pulling a difficult jobby face. I really hope that's true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Replay Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Back in the 70's, my auld man and his mate went out on the lash in nearby village. His mate's wife woke up the next morning, went downstairs, opened the kitchen blinds, and there stood in the back garden was a grand national winning horse. Long story, which (allegedly) involved the horse eating the poor guy's watch... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirk Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I mind being kicked out a caravan for throwing up, lying half in, half out the caravan door in the rain and a pool of my own vomit feeling sorry for myself, my mate stepped over me to throw up himself and said "if it's any consolation, Brian's just shat himself." Anyway, that's not *my* worse waking moment, more the case for the poor lassie we'd taken back to the caravan. A surprised woman 3 inches from my nose and a carraige of people trying not to laugh. I'd been dreaming I was on the last run of my quest for glory in the ski jump and had obviously give it full beans. mate I travelled with said I roared as I launched out of my seat, arms thrust behind me, bent over the table and pulling a difficult jobby face. Both brilliant. I woke up with a cafes sign on the bedroom floor, all 8 letters of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irnbruman Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 woke up in a strange bedroom at four o'clock in the morning after a night out on internet dating - burd had nearly all the covers and her head was under them - next thing she left rip with the loudest , squelchiest fart imaginable - one that Id have been proud of letting go myself - but she remained asleep even thought he met office would have registered it on the richter scale - people in Blackpool would just have put it down to fracking taking place. I'm lying there amazed that she's still asleep when I felt something against my side and looked down - a fooking set of false teeth - for a minute I was dreading it was flure or mario next to me - but the teeth just freaked me out. In true News of the World investigators , I made my excuses and left - actually I scarpered. If Id known her teeth came oot - I might have gone for the blow job the night afore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mindimoo Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 woke up in a strange bedroom at four o'clock in the morning after a night out on internet dating - burd had nearly all the covers and her head was under them - next thing she left rip with the loudest , squelchiest fart imaginable - one that Id have been proud of letting go myself - but she remained asleep even thought he met office would have registered it on the richter scale - people in Blackpool would just have put it down to fracking taking place. I'm lying there amazed that she's still asleep when I felt something against my side and looked down - a fooking set of false teeth - for a minute I was dreading it was flure or mario next to me - but the teeth just freaked me out. In true News of the World investigators , I made my excuses and left - actually I scarpered. If Id known her teeth came oot - I might have gone for the blow job the night afore. So, this dating malarkey works well for you by all accounts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 woke up in a strange bedroom at four o'clock in the morning after a night out on internet dating - burd had nearly all the covers and her head was under them - next thing she left rip with the loudest , squelchiest fart imaginable - one that Id have been proud of letting go myself - but she remained asleep even thought he met office would have registered it on the richter scale - people in Blackpool would just have put it down to fracking taking place. I'm lying there amazed that she's still asleep when I felt something against my side and looked down - a fooking set of false teeth - for a minute I was dreading it was flure or mario next to me - but the teeth just freaked me out. In true News of the World investigators , I made my excuses and left - actually I scarpered. If Id known her teeth came oot - I might have gone for the blow job the night afore. I thought most people kept their falsers in a glass overnight ! I must have misheard this all my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mariokempes56 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Ye mean her arse had teeth? #kin deperado Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy North Croy Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Chickenpox a couple of weeks before my wedding. Must be the air up here.....ah started coming oot in chickenpox spots as my wedding day progressed.....the following day ah looked like a had the plague!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mindimoo Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Must be the air up here.....ah started coming oot in chickenpox spots as my wedding day progressed.....the following day ah looked like a had the plague!! It wasn't pretty at all - me being a bit of a picker too. They were inside my eyelids and still I managed to scratch them. What year did you get married Andy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErsatzThistle Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 A raging urinary infection on the same day as a maths (my worst subject) exam. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AberdeenAngus Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Work up to find a traffic diversion sign in my hall. Asked my wife about it about and she says we lifted it keep the rain off us on the way up the road. I'll never know why we weren't seen given the streets we walked up. Sneaked it back under cover of darkness that evening after making sure none of the neighbours saw me put it in the car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintlyscot Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Not the worst but the scariest was waking up in a tiny box room in Paris(Berti's debut) after an encounter with a lady who could have been of dubious reput to find her 6 ft plus black boyfriend/pimp screaming at me to leave. My life flashed before me and I was wide awake and out in the street after about 1 min! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wellyman Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Benidorm 1978, first holiday abroad, aged 18 - had pulled a bird on the first night [so quite delighted] - went to put my arm over her in the morning and it got lodged up in the air, when i opened my eyes to see why ? - my mate had come back and was humping her !!!! The grin on his face still haunts me to this day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbcmfc Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Benidorm 1978, first holiday abroad, aged 18 - had pulled a bird on the first night [so quite delighted] - went to put my arm over her in the morning and it got lodged up in the air, when i opened my eyes to see why ? - my mate had come back and was humping her !!!! The grin on his face still haunts me to this day That's one of the best yet! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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