Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
EddardStark

BBC Red Button ending 30th Jan 2020

Recommended Posts

Really disappointed about this. I always use the text service to keep up to date with a lot of sports and stuff. Pretty basic stuff I know but its simple and accessible for most people. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The ‘red’ button obviously had to go because it illustrates the BBC is synonymous with left wing bias.  Instead it is going to be replaced by a far more neutral ‘Blue’ button with a typical daily schedule  looking like this:

6.00-8.00: ‘Royal Wedding Highlights’ – don’t worry not the one where the alleged bastard marries someone from the colonies. 

8.00-9.00: ‘Ben Ten’: kids animation where Ben, with his trusty net and outdated search engine, uses the ten commandments to oust the feared ‘Muzzas’ from his land.  The dreaded ‘Red Corbyn’ threatens stability in the area but Ben phones a friend.     

9.00 – 10.00:  ‘Bargain Hunt’ – Jeremy Hunt’s tales of negotiating arms sales to the valiant Saudi’s or discussions with US pharmaceuticals on how they can make the NHS even better.  Those 127 hospitals and 350,000 nurses aren’t going pay for themselves!

10.00 – 11.00: ‘Homes Under the Hammer’ – Comedy show charting scum befalling the benefit system and the subsequent repossession of their homes.  In this episode someone with a poor diet cries – must watch!

11.00 – 12.00: ‘Location Location Location’ – Showing how you could hoover up property at auction then rent it to ‘generation snowflake’ who won’t be able to get on the ladder until their 40’s.  Well if you don’t do it someone else will and if you don’t like it then you’re obviously a communist.     

12.00-13.00: ‘Biker Gove’ – Michael Gove tours the country, fully in leather, speaking to people who consider themselves middleclass because they have a mortgage and 6,000 mile lease agreement PA on a car about how wonderful it is being Tory whilst blatantly sneering at their stupidity. 

13.00-14.00: ‘Question Time’ – the studio audience get to question benefit applicants and then vote on whether their credits will continue.  In this episode Peter’s life is turned around when despite losing both arms in a farming accident he was overwhelming voted fit to work and now picks berries with his teeth.

14.00-15.00: ‘From Russia with Love’ – Documentary proving the relationship between cheeky chappy Boris and Russia is purely plutonium plutonic.    

15.00-16.00: ‘Crime Watch’ – show detailing how the fat ugly bird three doors down with six kids, a flat screen tele and regularly gets their dinner delivered from Dominoes is ultimately responsible for the fuckup the NHS made of your loved ones operation.  Proudly sponsored by Lloyds Bank – By Your Side. 

16.00-16.30:  ‘Countdown’ – same as the Channel 4 version but Diane Abbot is on the numbers so if she can’t make 563 out of one large number, three small numbers, a consonant and a vowel how will she manage a budget?

16.30-17.00 ‘Fifteen to One’ – series about how your fearless leader overcame the odds to win the tory party nomination

17.00-17.30 – ‘Swin it to Win It’ – Satirical look at Jo Swinson’s week where she still believes she can be PM. 

17.30 – 18.00 – ‘Blue Planet’:  Amber Rudd and Ruth Davidson tour the world to show you all the other normal countries are tories and if Jezza gets in we’ll all be Chinese within a generation. 

18.00-19.00 – ‘The Wall’ – Checking in with how construction around the ports of Dover and Hull is getting on. 

19.00-20.00 – ‘The Good, The Bad and The Ugly’- Biopic of how Ruth Davidson smashed Nicola Sturgeon and that fat fella who spoke too much in the Commons in the 2017 election winning a resounding 13 to 35. 

20.00-21.00 – ‘Orange is the New Black’: Following the marches through Glasgow and if you don’t agree with the route you’re a bigot.  It’s only up to their knees for fuck sake – folk in Yorkshire are up to their chest in cow shit water and they’re just getting on with it. 

21.00-21.30 – ‘9 o’clock news’ – no change to scheduled viewing

21.30-22.00 – ‘Reporting Scotland’ – no change to scheduled viewing: SNP bad; Rangers & Celtic good; wear a coat. 

22.00-23.00 – ‘Down the pub with Nige’ – chat show where despite having never won an electoral seat Nigel Farage continues to be the vessel utilised to control the direction of English politics but at least you can have a pint and a game of darts with him.  In this episode Reese-Mogg tries not to laugh at the wine menu and Farage strokes a whippet – great guy.

23.00-24.00 – ‘Three men and a little lady’ – following his unfortunate plane crash traces the rise and fall of Prince Andrew.  Warning contains scenes some viewers may find upsetting – Woking is a proper shithole like.   

24.00-6.00am – ‘DaveStation’ – you can call David Cameron in his pants dangerously close to a suckling pig to tell him what you want to see him doing for £1.50 a minute or if you’re too shy you can just listen in on Danny Dyer ranting at him for an hour and a half.

  • Haha 10

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

21.30-22.00 – ‘Reporting Scotland’ – no change to scheduled viewing: SNP bad; Rangers & Celtic good; wear a coat. 

 

22.00-23.00 – ‘Down the pub with Nige’ – chat show where despite having never won an electoral seat Nigel Farage continues to be the vessel utilised to control the direction of English politics but at least you can have a pint and a game of darts with him.  In this episode Reese-Mogg tries not to laugh at the wine menu and Farage strokes a whippet – great guy.

 

23.00-24.00 – ‘Three men and a little lady’ – following his unfortunate plane crash traces the rise and fall of Prince Andrew.  Warning contains scenes some viewers may find upsetting – Woking is a proper shithole like.   

 

24.00-6.00am – ‘DaveStation’ – you can call David Cameron in his pants dangerously close to a suckling pig to tell him what you want to see him doing for £1.50 a minute or if you’re too shy you can just listen in on Danny Dyer ranting at him for an hour and a half.

 

  • Haha 2
 
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, ThistleWhistle said:

The ‘red’ button obviously had to go because it illustrates the BBC is synonymous with left wing bias.  Instead it is going to be replaced by a far more neutral ‘Blue’ button with a typical daily schedule  looking like this:

 

6.00-8.00: ‘Royal Wedding Highlights’ – don’t worry not the one where the alleged bastard marries someone from the colonies. 

 

8.00-9.00: ‘Ben Ten’: kids animation where Ben, with his trusty net and outdated search engine, uses the ten commandments to oust the feared ‘Muzzas’ from his land.  The dreaded ‘Red Corbyn’ threatens stability in the area but Ben phones a friend.     

 

9.00 – 10.00:  ‘Bargain Hunt’ – Jeremy Hunt’s tales of negotiating arms sales to the valiant Saudi’s or discussions with US pharmaceuticals on how they can make the NHS even better.  Those 127 hospitals and 350,000 nurses aren’t going pay for themselves!

 

10.00 – 11.00: ‘Homes Under the Hammer’ – Comedy show charting scum befalling the benefit system and the subsequent repossession of their homes.  In this episode someone with a poor diet cries – must watch!

 

11.00 – 12.00: ‘Location Location Location’ – Showing how you could hoover up property at auction then rent it to ‘generation snowflake’ who won’t be able to get on the ladder until their 40’s.  Well if you don’t do it someone else will and if you don’t like it then you’re obviously a communist.     

 

12.00-13.00: ‘Biker Gove’ – Michael Gove tours the country, fully in leather, speaking to people who consider themselves middleclass because they have a mortgage and 6,000 mile lease agreement PA on a car about how wonderful it is being Tory whilst blatantly sneering at their stupidity. 

 

13.00-14.00: ‘Question Time’ – the studio audience get to question benefit applicants and then vote on whether their credits will continue.  In this episode Peter’s life is turned around when despite losing both arms in a farming accident he was overwhelming voted fit to work and now picks berries with his teeth.

 

14.00-15.00: ‘From Russia with Love’ – Documentary proving the relationship between cheeky chappy Boris and Russia is purely plutonium plutonic.    

 

15.00-16.00: ‘Crime Watch’ – show detailing how the fat ugly bird three doors down with six kids, a flat screen tele and regularly gets their dinner delivered from Dominoes is ultimately responsible for the fuckup the NHS made of your loved ones operation.  Proudly sponsored by Lloyds Bank – By Your Side. 

 

16.00-16.30:  ‘Countdown’ – same as the Channel 4 version but Diane Abbot is on the numbers so if she can’t make 563 out of one large number, three small numbers, a consonant and a vowel how will she manage a budget?

 

16.30-17.00 ‘Fifteen to One’ – series about how your fearless leader overcame the odds to win the tory party nomination

 

17.00-17.30 – ‘Swin it to Win It’ – Satirical look at Jo Swinson’s week where she still believes she can be PM. 

 

17.30 – 18.00 – ‘Blue Planet’:  Amber Rudd and Ruth Davidson tour the world to show you all the other normal countries are tories and if Jezza gets in we’ll all be Chinese within a generation. 

 

18.00-19.00 – ‘The Wall’ – Checking in with how construction around the ports of Dover and Hull is getting on. 

 

19.00-20.00 – ‘The Good, The Bad and The Ugly’- Biopic of how Ruth Davidson smashed Nicola Sturgeon and that fat fella who spoke too much in the Commons in the 2017 election winning a resounding 13 to 35. 

 

20.00-21.00 – ‘Orange is the New Black’: Following the marches through Glasgow and if you don’t agree with the route you’re a bigot.  It’s only up to their knees for fuck sake – folk in Yorkshire are up to their chest in cow shit water and they’re just getting on with it. 

 

21.00-21.30 – ‘9 o’clock news’ – no change to scheduled viewing

 

21.30-22.00 – ‘Reporting Scotland’ – no change to scheduled viewing: SNP bad; Rangers & Celtic good; wear a coat. 

 

22.00-23.00 – ‘Down the pub with Nige’ – chat show where despite having never won an electoral seat Nigel Farage continues to be the vessel utilised to control the direction of English politics but at least you can have a pint and a game of darts with him.  In this episode Reese-Mogg tries not to laugh at the wine menu and Farage strokes a whippet – great guy.

 

23.00-24.00 – ‘Three men and a little lady’ – following his unfortunate plane crash traces the rise and fall of Prince Andrew.  Warning contains scenes some viewers may find upsetting – Woking is a proper shithole like.   

 

24.00-6.00am – ‘DaveStation’ – you can call David Cameron in his pants dangerously close to a suckling pig to tell him what you want to see him doing for £1.50 a minute or if you’re too shy you can just listen in on Danny Dyer ranting at him for an hour and a half.

 

Brilliant . 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/25/2019 at 11:24 AM, ThistleWhistle said:

The ‘red’ button obviously had to go because it illustrates the BBC is synonymous with left wing bias.  Instead it is going to be replaced by a far more neutral ‘Blue’ button with a typical daily schedule  looking like this:

 

6.00-8.00: ‘Royal Wedding Highlights’ – don’t worry not the one where the alleged bastard marries someone from the colonies. 

 

8.00-9.00: ‘Ben Ten’: kids animation where Ben, with his trusty net and outdated search engine, uses the ten commandments to oust the feared ‘Muzzas’ from his land.  The dreaded ‘Red Corbyn’ threatens stability in the area but Ben phones a friend.     

 

9.00 – 10.00:  ‘Bargain Hunt’ – Jeremy Hunt’s tales of negotiating arms sales to the valiant Saudi’s or discussions with US pharmaceuticals on how they can make the NHS even better.  Those 127 hospitals and 350,000 nurses aren’t going pay for themselves!

 

10.00 – 11.00: ‘Homes Under the Hammer’ – Comedy show charting scum befalling the benefit system and the subsequent repossession of their homes.  In this episode someone with a poor diet cries – must watch!

 

11.00 – 12.00: ‘Location Location Location’ – Showing how you could hoover up property at auction then rent it to ‘generation snowflake’ who won’t be able to get on the ladder until their 40’s.  Well if you don’t do it someone else will and if you don’t like it then you’re obviously a communist.     

 

12.00-13.00: ‘Biker Gove’ – Michael Gove tours the country, fully in leather, speaking to people who consider themselves middleclass because they have a mortgage and 6,000 mile lease agreement PA on a car about how wonderful it is being Tory whilst blatantly sneering at their stupidity. 

 

13.00-14.00: ‘Question Time’ – the studio audience get to question benefit applicants and then vote on whether their credits will continue.  In this episode Peter’s life is turned around when despite losing both arms in a farming accident he was overwhelming voted fit to work and now picks berries with his teeth.

 

14.00-15.00: ‘From Russia with Love’ – Documentary proving the relationship between cheeky chappy Boris and Russia is purely plutonium plutonic.    

 

15.00-16.00: ‘Crime Watch’ – show detailing how the fat ugly bird three doors down with six kids, a flat screen tele and regularly gets their dinner delivered from Dominoes is ultimately responsible for the fuckup the NHS made of your loved ones operation.  Proudly sponsored by Lloyds Bank – By Your Side. 

 

16.00-16.30:  ‘Countdown’ – same as the Channel 4 version but Diane Abbot is on the numbers so if she can’t make 563 out of one large number, three small numbers, a consonant and a vowel how will she manage a budget?

 

16.30-17.00 ‘Fifteen to One’ – series about how your fearless leader overcame the odds to win the tory party nomination

 

17.00-17.30 – ‘Swin it to Win It’ – Satirical look at Jo Swinson’s week where she still believes she can be PM. 

 

17.30 – 18.00 – ‘Blue Planet’:  Amber Rudd and Ruth Davidson tour the world to show you all the other normal countries are tories and if Jezza gets in we’ll all be Chinese within a generation. 

 

18.00-19.00 – ‘The Wall’ – Checking in with how construction around the ports of Dover and Hull is getting on. 

 

19.00-20.00 – ‘The Good, The Bad and The Ugly’- Biopic of how Ruth Davidson smashed Nicola Sturgeon and that fat fella who spoke too much in the Commons in the 2017 election winning a resounding 13 to 35. 

 

20.00-21.00 – ‘Orange is the New Black’: Following the marches through Glasgow and if you don’t agree with the route you’re a bigot.  It’s only up to their knees for fuck sake – folk in Yorkshire are up to their chest in cow shit water and they’re just getting on with it. 

 

21.00-21.30 – ‘9 o’clock news’ – no change to scheduled viewing

 

21.30-22.00 – ‘Reporting Scotland’ – no change to scheduled viewing: SNP bad; Rangers & Celtic good; wear a coat. 

 

22.00-23.00 – ‘Down the pub with Nige’ – chat show where despite having never won an electoral seat Nigel Farage continues to be the vessel utilised to control the direction of English politics but at least you can have a pint and a game of darts with him.  In this episode Reese-Mogg tries not to laugh at the wine menu and Farage strokes a whippet – great guy.

 

23.00-24.00 – ‘Three men and a little lady’ – following his unfortunate plane crash traces the rise and fall of Prince Andrew.  Warning contains scenes some viewers may find upsetting – Woking is a proper shithole like.   

 

24.00-6.00am – ‘DaveStation’ – you can call David Cameron in his pants dangerously close to a suckling pig to tell him what you want to see him doing for £1.50 a minute or if you’re too shy you can just listen in on Danny Dyer ranting at him for an hour and a half.

 

One of the best posts on here in a long, long time. Well played 😂

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  



×
×
  • Create New...