King Of Paisley Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 What do you call 100 lepers in a swimming pool? Porridge....................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mindimoo Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 What do you call 100 lepers in a swimming pool? Porridge....................... Thanks for that, I'll now be having toast for breakfast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Of Paisley Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs trying to swim the English Channel? Bob...................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ally Bongo Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 What do you call a Jobby with one eye ? Keek Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mindimoo Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 What do you call a Jobby with one eye ? Keek My favourite so far!. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_burger Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 why did the bakers hands smell? because he kneaded a jobby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mariokempes56 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 #ks sake bring bk flure Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flure Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 I will not compromise my standards to fulfil some Saturnalian gag lust. (But I do like "unthinkable"). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orraloon Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 This one's not a cracker gag but made me chortle Funnily enough we are having venison on xmas day. I need as many Rudolph jokes as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grumpyauldgit Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Q: What is the difference between Kinky sex and perverted sex A: Kinky is using a feather, perverted is using the whole chicken Q: Why did the pervert cross the road A: He could not get his knob out of the chicken Q; What is green and go's red at the touch of a button A: A Celtic fan in a liquidiser Q; How many Celtic fans can you fit in a liquidiser A: Never enough Well time to go and poison some reindeer, and tell the grand kids Santa is dead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittymeister Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 What's yellow and dangerous? Shark infected custard A trainspotter fell in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits! What can go up a chimney down but not down a chimney up? An umbella Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbcmfc Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 (edited) Funnily enough we are having venison on xmas day. I need as many Rudolph jokes as possible. We were going to have Venison, but decided against it, as it's dead deer. Edited December 24, 2014 by sbcmfc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flure Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 A guy in a pub in Dalmally offered me eight haunch of venison for £100. I said "That's too dear". This is really a verbal joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mindimoo Posted December 24, 2014 Author Share Posted December 24, 2014 A guy in a pub in Dalmally offered me eight haunch of venison for £100. I said "That's too dear". This is really a verbal joke. It's still my favourite Christmas joke Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killiefaetheferry Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Copyright my 3 year old : What flies in the air and wobbles ? A Jellycopter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killiefaetheferry Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Funnily enough we are having venison on xmas day. I need as many Rudolph jokes as possible. What do you call a deer with no eyes ? No idea. What do you call a dead deer with no eyes ? Still no idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orraloon Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Cheers guys. I think I'm going to have a cracking xmas day and probably most of the venison to myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wheres the pies Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Here's wan from the neighbours weans how do you make lady ga ga greet ? Pokerface Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark frae Crieff Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 (edited) More of a visual gag but made me laugh.. Edited December 24, 2014 by Mark frae Crieff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Laud Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Q: What is the difference between Kinky sex and perverted sex A: Kinky is using a feather, perverted is using the whole chicken Q: Why did the pervert cross the road A: He could not get his knob out of the chicken Q; What is green and go's red at the touch of a button A: A Celtic fan in a liquidiser Q; How many Celtic fans can you fit in a liquidiser A: Never enough Well time to go and poison some reindeer, and tell the grand kids Santa is dead. Christ where do you get your crackers from auld git. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Laud Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Why did the mexican throw his wife off the cliff. Tequilla Il'l get ma coat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killiefaetheferry Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 What do you call a man wearing a raincoat ? Mac. What do you call a man wearing 2 raincoats ? Max. What do you call a man wearing 2 raincoats, standing in a graveyard ? Max Bygraves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killiefaetheferry Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 What do you call a man wearing a raincoat ? Mac. What do you call a man wearing 2 raincoats ? Max. What do you call a man wearing 2 raincoats, standing in a graveyard ? Max Bygraves. Funny, pending Elm Tree investigation.......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
euan2020 Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 what's pink wrinkly and hangs out your Y Fronts - your mother whats green and smells of pork - Kermits middle finger Name of chinese pervert Pok M Yung Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killiefaetheferry Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 How do you know when a woman has an orgasm ? Who cares ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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