Mindimoo Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 16 hours ago, Scotty CTA said: Takes the surprise out of it, but at least folk know what to get you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Col Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 Q. How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza ? A. Deep pan, crisp and even Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobster Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 Worst Wham song ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Col Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 why so upset about him looking for a new car ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flure Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 Even I wouldn't stoop this low. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flure Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 4 minutes ago, Flure said: Even I wouldn't stoop this low. Having said that..... Three men of indeterminate nationalities died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. 'In honour of this holy season,' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.' Nigel fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said. 'You may pass through the pearly gates,' Saint Peter said. Hamish reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.' Saint Peter said, 'You may pass through the pearly gates'. Eamonn started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolise?' Eamonn replied, 'These are Carol's.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C2405 Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 (edited) Why was Santa upset when he got a sweater for xmas ? Because he really wanted a screamer or a moaner. Edited December 20, 2017 by C2405 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jockodile Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Why are UKIP voters often picky about their Christmas dinners? An aversion to Brussels sprouts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted December 24, 2017 Author Share Posted December 24, 2017 What's the difference between the clementine in your Christmas stocking and Donald Trump? Nothing, they're both a little orange Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted December 24, 2017 Author Share Posted December 24, 2017 What do you call a short-sighted dinosaur? A do-you-think-he-saw-us Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armchair Bob Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 3 hours ago, fringo said: What do you call a short-sighted dinosaur? A do-you-think-he-saw-us What's the Christmas angle on that?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted December 24, 2017 Author Share Posted December 24, 2017 1 hour ago, Armchair Bob said: What's the Christmas angle on that?? Just one of those rubbish xmas cracker jokes I'm afraid. There's plenty more if you want .................. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotty CTA Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 21 hours ago, Armchair Bob said: What's the Christmas angle on that?? Colossians 1:16 "For by Him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through Him and for Him." John 1:3 "All things were made through Him, and without Him was not any thing made that was made." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 Oh dear Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotty CTA Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark frae Crieff Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ormond Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 I tried to trick folk in the pub today into thinking I was David Beckham by bringing in yesterday’s turkey carcass with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C2405 Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Why for a woman is freshly falling snow the same as first time sex with a new partner ? Because she doesn't know how long it will last or how many inches she's going to get. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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