fringo Posted February 1, 2022 Share Posted February 1, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted February 1, 2022 Share Posted February 1, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted February 1, 2022 Share Posted February 1, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted February 2, 2022 Share Posted February 2, 2022 Went to the doctors today and told him I think I'm addicted to Twitter. He said "I don't follow you". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted February 9, 2022 Share Posted February 9, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 😂😄 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 VID-20220210-WA0000.mp4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted February 16, 2022 Share Posted February 16, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted February 16, 2022 Share Posted February 16, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted February 16, 2022 Share Posted February 16, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Och Aye Posted February 16, 2022 Share Posted February 16, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted February 23, 2022 Share Posted February 23, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grim Jim Posted February 24, 2022 Share Posted February 24, 2022 😄 Bring back the smileys! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TDYER63 Posted February 24, 2022 Share Posted February 24, 2022 UK RAISES ALERT LEVEL The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent Russian threats and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. The Russians have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s Get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability. Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.” The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.” Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level. John Cleese – British writer, actor and tall person Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted March 7, 2022 Share Posted March 7, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted March 7, 2022 Share Posted March 7, 2022 🤣👆 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TDYER63 Posted March 8, 2022 Share Posted March 8, 2022 🤣 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted March 8, 2022 Share Posted March 8, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Och Aye Posted March 8, 2022 Share Posted March 8, 2022 😂😂😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TDYER63 Posted March 8, 2022 Share Posted March 8, 2022 😂😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted March 8, 2022 Share Posted March 8, 2022 🤣🤣 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted March 8, 2022 Share Posted March 8, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted March 8, 2022 Share Posted March 8, 2022 😃 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted March 30, 2022 Share Posted March 30, 2022 The Hypnotist at a Senior Center It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' center. After the community sing a inlong led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show- Claude the Hypnotist! Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. "Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time." said Claude. The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket; a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain. "I want you to keep your eyes on this watch" said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see. "It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations" said Claude. He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting "Watch the watch --- Watch the watch --- Watch the watch" The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth. The lights were twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces. A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch. They were hypnotized. And then, suddenly, the chain broke!!! The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst into pieces upon impact. "SHIT" shouted Claude. It took them three days to clean the Senior Citizens' Center and Claude was never invited there again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted April 14, 2022 Share Posted April 14, 2022 The doctor gave me suppositories to insert in my back passage. We don’t have one, so I put them in the lounge and for what good they did there, I may as well have just shoved them up my arse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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