Flure Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 During Desert Storm, an American Air Force officer met a Saudi Air Force officer. Their love of flying bonded them together and soon they became friends. One day, while making small talk, the discussion turned to family. Each expressed how much they missed their wives and children. The Saudi officer decided to pull out his wallet and show pictures of his family to the American. When the American saw the picture of the Saudi's family, he was shocked. "Hey, that looks like my son," he said, referring to one of the Saudi officer's children. "That looks just like my Juan!" The Saudi officer explained. "About 15 years ago, I went to Mexico to drill for oil. While I was there, my wife and I decided to adopt a young boy. We named him Amal and he has grown up with us." The American said, "Well, about 15 years ago, my wife and I were stationed at the American embassy in Mexico City. We adopted Juan and now he is in high school. I wonder if your boy and mine are twins!" Excitedly, both officers compared the boys’ birthdays, and sure enough, the boys shared the same day. They agreed that the two boys must be twins. Immediately, they vowed that after the war ended they would meet in Los Angeles and have a big reunion to unite the two long lost brothers. When the news media received word of this, they created a media frenzy as they eagerly promoted the day when the boys would meet. Eventually, the big day arrived and local, national and international news outlets, as well as several hundred onlookers, descended on LAX airport. There was a festive mood in the air, and representatives from the Mexican, U.S., and Saudi Arabian governments attended. However, to the disappointment of the assembled crowd, a representative from Saudi Arabian Airline announced that the plane had been delayed and would be over six hours late. Juan's mother took the podium and addressed the crowd saying, "You might as well go home. There's no point in waiting here." "Why would we want to do that?" asked a reporter. "Well," she replied, "they're identical twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 (edited) A bloke goes to doctors and says “doctor doctor my willy has turned orange.”The doctor examines thoroughly, does does numerous tests but is still baffled. He then asks all sorts of other questions but still baffled.The Doctor finally asks “what about your social life?”The man replies “what do you mean?”The doctor says “well what do you do in your spare time?”The man replies “well not much really, most the time I just watch porn and eat Wotsits”.... Edited October 25, 2017 by fringo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoonTheSlope Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 I was in Budapest a few weeks back during international week and took in the Hungary v Ethiopia match A couple of minutes after the national anthems the Hungarian faithful started chanting "we are Hungary, we are Hungary" Two seconds later their Ethiopian counterparts replied with "So are we, so are we" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teecee- Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 Boots selling sanitary towels with bells on them.... special offer for the xmas period only. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoonTheSlope Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 What's the fastest town in Scotland? Naaaaaiiiirn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave78 Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 18 hours ago, DoonTheSlope said: What's the fastest town in Scotland? Naaaaaiiiirn What's the biggest city in Ireland? Dublin, cos it keeps doublin' and doublin'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
biffer Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 I was in Germany last week. The women there are really forward. I was sitting in a bar minding my own business, checking Facebook, Twitter etc on my phone and this girl came up to me and asked me what my ringtone was. I told her it was pinky brown, the same as everyone else’s. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wheres the pies Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 I see the Christmas crackers have been opened early Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Doctor: “Do you do sports?” Patient: “Does sex count?” Doctor: “Yes.” Patient: “Then no.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 8 hours ago, bonzo said: Doctor: “Do you do sports?” Patient: “Does sex count?” Doctor: “Yes.” Patient: “Then no.” Cracker ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoonTheSlope Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 A Scotsman, an Englishman and Irishman walk into a bar The barman says "is this a joke?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Australian, a Kiwi, an Indonesian, an American, a German, a Peruvian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Tibetan, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, a Kazahk, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Dane, a Ugandan, a Nigerian, a Frenchman, a Colombian, an Argentinian and a South African went to a night club.The bouncer said: "Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 100 pocket watches stolen. Police looking for man with time on his hands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I accidentally turned my wife and kids into a three piece suite today. I just phoned the hospital to see how they were. The doctor told me they were all very comfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I went to Waterstones and asked the woman for a book about turtles. She asked: "Hardback?" and I was like: "Yeah, and little heads." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orraloon Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 There are not many things which say "tight fisted" more blatantly that folk who save left over xmas crackers for the New Year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 2 hours ago, Orraloon said: There are not many things which say "tight fisted" more blatantly that folk who save left over xmas crackers for the New Year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 5 hours ago, Orraloon said: There are not many things which say "tight fisted" more blatantly that folk who save left over xmas crackers for the New Year. As frank Carson once said Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoonTheSlope Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 A lighting technician died in a freak accident at a Lionel Richie concert in Mumbai, India last night. He was blown up while above stage level adjusting the lighting on the roof.... Dan Sing on the ceiling Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orraloon Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 11 hours ago, DoonTheSlope said: A lighting technician died in a freak accident at a Lionel Richie concert in Mumbai, India last night. He was blown up while above stage level adjusting the lighting on the roof.... Dan Sing on the ceiling His dad was an Indian karaoke singer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoonTheSlope Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 5 minutes ago, Orraloon said: His dad was an Indian karaoke singer. Go on then? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoonTheSlope Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 Lionel Richie has opened up chain of butchers aimed at the Islamic community. He has called them Halal, is it meat your looking for? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orraloon Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 10 minutes ago, DoonTheSlope said: Go on then? Gupta Singh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoonTheSlope Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 4 minutes ago, Orraloon said: Gupta Singh. 🥁 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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