Sunday League Tales

[Gaz]

I used to play in London sunday league ,
one week we had a guy from bermuda come and ask for a game , he was a big guy and mentioned he had just arrived in the Uk and played in Goal.
So naturally everyone was delighted.
He said he didnt have a job or any money but hey, no problem he looked the part.

the game starts , he pulls off some great saves but we were 3-0 by the first half , to be honest our defence was shite and this was better than usual.

Me and another guy went over to him at half time and said "sorry our defence let you down", he turned to us and said :"last time I let in 3 goals was against Uruguay ! " we were like WHIT!

Turns out he had played for Bermuda ,

needless to say we kept him for the whole season even paid for his bus fare to the games, brilliant keeper!

[ParisInAKilt]

My mate was playing his Sunday game across the road from my house. Sent me a text at HT saying their game was paused because the ball was hit down the hill, he turns to the other pitch just to see my old man break out of defence, nutmeg a midfielder and do a 'Beckham' from his own half, said he's never seen a goal like it live.

[Rossy]

Back in my refereeing days, I was running the line in an amateur cup final at Oakley.....the touchline's a bawhair away from the crowd at Blairwood Park.

A woman in a wheelchair tripped me up with her husband's walking stick.

It hurt, the auld witch.

[redstevie007]

Scored my best goal, got in a stooshie with the ref and sent off all in the first half of an U16s school game.

Goal: ball got played to me on the right hand corner of the box with a defender breathing down my neck. Chested it onto my knee, then flicked it over mine and the defender's head with my left foot before hitting a 25 yard volley into the top corner.

Stooshie and sending off: as with most schools games 20 odd years, the home coach reffed to save money. He deliberately (imo) blocked one of our players from getting to the ball. I shouted 'come on you'. He said I hope you're not talking to me. 'Aye, I was'. Queue a red card for foul and abusive language I decided to make it worth my while and called him a cheating ####in c*nt. He lost it and started poking me in the chest so I grabbed his finger and bent it back. My manager, dad and most of the two teams ended up knocking lumps out of each other.

It ended up in my one and only visit to Park Gardens in front of a disciplinary panel where I got a 6 game ban

[redstevie007]

Back in my refereeing days, I was running the line in an amateur cup final at Oakley.....the touchline's a bawhair away from the crowd at Blairwood Park.

A woman in a wheelchair tripped me up with her husband's walking stick.

It hurt, the auld witch.

####in disableds

[ParisInAKilt]

First game for the school team. U13's or 14's. First half, through on goal with a massive defender trying to half me, stick it past the keeper and run to celebrate with everyone else. But Renfrew are still playing. The balls hit the metal thing that keeps the net down and bounced out, I've called the ref (our accounts teacher) a pr!ck and taking a walk

One of my more eventful debuts

[Cove_Sheep]

Back in my refereeing days, I was running the line in an amateur cup final at Oakley.....the touchline's a bawhair away from the crowd at Blairwood Park.

A woman in a wheelchair tripped me up with her husband's walking stick.

It hurt, the auld witch.

You dived, didn't you?

[Barney Rubble]

Scored my best goal, got in a stooshie with the ref and sent off all in the first half of an U16s school game.

Goal: ball got played to me on the right hand corner of the box with a defender breathing down my neck. Chested it onto my knee, then flicked it over mine and the defender's head with my left foot before hitting a 25 yard volley into the top corner.

Stooshie and sending off: as with most schools games 20 odd years, the home coach reffed to save money. He deliberately (imo) blocked one of our players from getting to the ball. I shouted 'come on you'. He said I hope you're not talking to me. 'Aye, I was'. Queue a red card for foul and abusive language I decided to make it worth my while and called him a cheating ####in cuddly bunny rabbit. He lost it and started poking me in the chest so I grabbed his finger and bent it back. My manager, dad and most of the two teams ended up knocking lumps out of each other.

It ended up in my one and only visit to Park Gardens in front of a disciplinary panel where I got a 6 game ban

Belter - well done sir!!

[JasMc1973]

under 18's for Barrhead, cup semi against Erskine (aye can remember it so well, was it really 20 odd years ago)

1st: scored a screamer from corner of penalty box

2nd: dived and won a penalty (yes I was that wee annoying bunny rabbit that played on the wing you couldnae catch), captain took it and missed (aye i gave up the baw as he was capt, dick)

3rd: got the full back sent off for two bookings, though i got booked for the second as well

4th got sent off as lino flagged from other side of pitch, ref asked my name told him's he's already ffuqqin got it, sent off twice in a matter of seconds...what a great day

2-1 for Barrhead aet - good ole Paisley & District league

Edited November 13, 2014 by JasMc1973

[redstevie007]

under 18's for Barrhead, cup semi against Erskine (aye can remember it so well, was it really 20 odd years ago)

1st: scored a screamer from corner of penalty box

2nd: dived and won a penalty (yes I was that wee annoying bunny rabbit that played on the wing you couldnae catch), captain took it and missed (aye i gave up the baw as he was capt, dick)

3rd: got the full back sent off for two bookings, though i got booked for the second as well

4th got sent off as lino flagged from other side of pitch, ref asked my name told him's he's already ffuqqin got it, sent off twice in a matter of seconds...what a great day

2-1 for Barrhead aet - good ole Paisley & District league

Two teams I hated playing against - Weymss Bay and your lot. I played for Dumbarton United and then Old Kilpatrick and it was nearly always a booting match against those two.

[JasMc1973]

Two teams I hated playing against - Weymss Bay and your lot. I played for Dumbarton United and then Old Kilpatrick and it was nearly always a booting match against those two.

errr how old are you, i played for both of them too...

[redstevie007]

errr how old are you, i played for both of them too...

You're joking? Small world. I played through U14 to U18 from about '86 to '89/'90.

[JasMc1973]

You're joking? Small world. I played through U14 to U18 from about '86 to '89/'90.

it certainly is..

Renton Craigandro 83-85 (u12's)

Dumbarton United 85-88 (13s-u16)

OK (89-90)

Barrhead 90-91

bit fuzzy with the dates but seems we might have been in same team or a year out LMAO were the two fat brothers you "managers" at DU?

[redstevie007]

it certainly is..

Renton Craigandro 83-85 (u12's)

Dumbarton United 85-88 (13s-u16)

OK (89-90)

Barrhead 90-91

bit fuzzy with the dates but seems we might have been in same team or a year out LMAO were the two fat brothers you "managers" at DU?

Aye, the McGaughey's I left to go to Old Kilpatrick because DU's training was shite and at the time Dundee had asked about me so I wanted better coaching.

Played for Levenvalley BC at U12's against Renton Craigandro as well. Them and West End were our toughest fixtures.

Edited November 13, 2014 by redstevie007

[Big Col]

about 25 years ago walking through my local public park, spotted a game was on. Wandered over for a nosey and after about 15 mins a guy hitting a golf ball about the park comes over also to see who's playing.

One of the teams had a wee winger who was very rapid and was tracking up and down the touchline chasing the long balls. The next time he comes down the wing the golf guy takes one step on the park and belts the wee winger. He stands over him lying on the deck and says "dont ####in ever steal ma car again ya wee person"

Golf guy goes back to hitting a golf ball about, wee winger gets subbed.

[86glebestreet]

Played for an Italian team in London back in 80s, one of the league referees came to our presentation, I knew him as he was the local copper, during the evening he said to me that I will most likely get sent off the following season, we bet a bottle of vodka or something , I was looking forward to collecting my bet as I wasn't sent off all season, we were in the cup final and he was the referee, no even 30 minutes played and the slag sent me off for what he said was a bad challenge, I had to get dragged off the park as I was going mental, screaming all coppers are bas ta. rds, opposition player who I tackled came in at half time and said that there was nothing up with my challenge, next time I saw him he asked me when he was getting his drink,

1st time my future wife's parents came too see me play as well,

[Orraloon]

You dived, didn't you?

He probably couldnae see the stick.

[davetenerife]

Many years ago I was playing Junior football and as normal after a game on the Saturday we would end up down town at some pubs or clubs. Some of the crowd we were with said they had a big Sunday league game the next day and did I fancy a game. Full of drink and not thinking I said yes and played. Well the game was against my local team who all knew me, we won, they appealed and got the 3 points to win the league. I ended up in front of Ernie Walker at the SFA and got a 3 month ban and fined 25 quid. Sunday football was not recognised and I was on professional forms. My team at the time were not happy and refused to help pay my fine so I ended up with another club who paid the fine. The Sunday league team I played for were pissed off as they lost the league thanks to losing those three points.

[scoobydoo]

In my sunday league team our keepers nickname was 'clumsy'. You had a fair idea that when you heard the call 'Clumsys ball' when a corner was swung in there was going to be a goal.

[Auld_Reekie]

Played for uni team against some amateur team in the East Neuk of Fife and we're giving them a good pumping. Must have been 5-0 or so and I round the keeper, dribble up to the line, stop it, get on hands and knees and nudge it over with my head. Thought I was going to get killed - looking back, it was a bit d*ckish to be fair.

[Fish Gills Mcginty]

Played for uni team against some amateur team in the East Neuk of Fife and we're giving them a good pumping. Must have been 5-0 or so and I round the keeper, dribble up to the line, stop it, get on hands and knees and nudge it over with my head. Thought I was going to get killed - looking back, it was a bit d*ckish to be fair.

Aye probably deserve a doing for that. No need

[joe545]

Was once playing a match in Stockholm when a (drunk or high) blonde teenage girl stripped naked and started masturbating at the side of the pitch.

[redstevie007]

Was once playing a match in Stockholm when a (drunk or high) blonde teenage girl stripped naked and started masturbating at the side of the pitch.

Video? Photies? Please...?

[dandydunn]

Record victory in Aberdeen welfare we were told.

36-0

Opponents were getting pumped every week,just young lads,they only had 10 to start with,our striker clattered the keeper at about 8-0,he went off and someone walked off sulking.

Their keeper started trying to save every shot from distance like Rene Higuita.

Our 46 year old centre half rounded the keeper,let him get back up,rounded him again,3 times,then nutmegged him with a back heel.

Best goal was when I was utilised as a sub on the left wing,bizarre to say the least,as I only used that to stand on. Anyway,my first action was to clear the ball with a header on the halfway line,as it went forward,the striker was offside,so he just strolled past the ball. By the time myself and a defender caught up with the ball again,he was on my right side,just behind me as he knew I would have to turn back on to my right foot.

What happened next astounded everyone and brought scenes of adulation from both touch lines and sets of players.

We were on the corner of the box and instead of cutting back,I just lifted the ball with the outside of my boot,delicately lobbing it over the keeper as he was waving at it as it soared over his head and Into the far corner.

A near goal was from the halfway line,a 50/50 ball which I won and caught sweet,soars towards goal like a rocket,catches the keeper out and smashes off the bar,the striker follows up and tried s scissors kick and proceeds to smash it about 10ft over the bar. He never did tell us why he never just tapped it in,as the keeper was on his arse.

Played on my birthday once and it was a particularly brutal game,hard tackles,battles breaking out everywhere,few red cards. Things were getting hairy,so the match was stopped a few minutes early.

Anyway,we head out after it,about 8 or 9 of us and a few arguments broke out between ourselves and about 20 rugger buggers. We very quickly realise we are heavily outnumbered and outweighed,when in walks our pals from earlier,marvellous we think,this just gotta helluva lot worse.

Little did we know,that about half an hour later,they were standing side by side with us in a mass brawl in the middle of holburn street at about 7 o'clock on a Sunday evening.......