daddybuc16 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 a bunch of nuns die and go to heaven. they are gathered at the pearly gates when St Peter approaches them. he says to them "you may enter, if you can answer me honestly one question" he says to the first nun "have you ever touched a mans willie" yes, she says once with this finger. St peter tells her to put her finger in the holy water and she will be cleansed and can enter heaven. says to second nun "have you ever touched a mans willie" yes, she say, once, with this hand. St peter tells her to put her hand in the holy water and she will be cleansed and can enter heaven. so she does. suddenly there's this big commossion at the back of the group. St peter asks "whats going on back there ladies" and one of the nun turns, points to her friend and says "I'm not washing my mouth out in there after she's had her bum in it" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tartanhibee Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Horse walks into bar. Barman says why the long face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irnbruman Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Two buckets of puke walking down the road.. One bursts into tears - "Whats up wi you " one says - "Och its nostalgia - I was brought up around here" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HIGHTOWER 1314 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daddybuc16 Posted October 4, 2014 Author Share Posted October 4, 2014 Morris, 86 years old, walked into a crowded doctor's surgery. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, how can we help you today?" "There's something wrong with my penis," Morris says aloud. The receptionist was quite shocked at his reply and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded surgery and talk that way." "Why not?" said Morris, "you asked me what was wrong and I told you." The receptionist replied, "But you've caused some embarrassment – this room is full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the real problem with the doctor in private." So Morris walked out, waited several minutes and came in again. The receptionist smiled and said, "Yes sir, how can we help you today?" "There's something wrong with my ear," Morris replied. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing Morris had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?" "I can't pee out of it," Morris replied. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wellyman Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 Man walks into a bar and says - "I have a strawberry stuck up my arse" Barman - "Thats ok, i have some cream for that" !!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newryrep Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 The 1970's called its wants it's jokes back Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craggers Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 Guy walks into a Library and asks for two fish suppers. The lady behind the counter says "but Sir, this is a library". The guy says "oh sorry (and whispers) can I have two fish suppers please?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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