[I Nearly Died..]

It's good to be back, I've missed this place!

[I Nearly Died..]

Nothing is worse than the zipper tale..

[I Nearly Died..]

Gone through con men? You've lost me..

[I Nearly Died..]

Have you ever known true terror? Well, I will tell you this my friends, I have lived it only last night, and luckily I have survived to tell you the bone chilling tale..

Imagine if you will that you're laying in bed reading your Kindle, and your poor tired eyes have had enough of 'See Spot Run' for the night. So you set it aside, turn off your lamp and settle down to snooze.

Just as you are seconds from dozing off into the welcoming pitch black darkness of sleep, a voice mere centimetres from your ear whispers menacingly, "Instead of a Dark Lord you shall have a queen, more beautiful and terrible than the DAWN!!"

Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm not afraid to say I near shat the bed, as my body levitated three feet off the mattress in horror.

So yeah, near midnight is not really the best time for your Lord of the Rings obsessed partner to be quoting lines from the movie, in the pitch dark and using what sounds like a menacing yet somewhat posh English voice.