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Gone a bit quiet here so it's about time for a wee joke or two.......

I was once applying for a blacksmiths job and was asked if I had any experience shoeing horses.
I said no, but i once told a donkey to f*ck off...

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A man walks into doctor's office.
"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises." replies the man.
"Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
"Like a glove."

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This thread definitely needs resurrected.

 

A guy has just driven by on a tractor shouting The End Is Nigh. 

Think it was Farmer Geddon. 

 

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I was sat on the edge of the bed last night, pulling off my boxers when the wife said to me :

"You spoil those dogs"

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2 minutes ago, killiefaetheferry said:

2 cows in a field. Which one is on holiday?

 

The wan wi' the wee calf.

10 cows in a field. Which one is from the Middle East ?

Coo 8.

 

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10 minutes ago, killiefaetheferry said:

Can I still do the Santa one?

flintstones ?  😄

Not sure I recall the Santa one ?

Edited by fringo

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What's the difference between folk in Dubai and those in Abu Dhabi ?

Those in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but those in Abu Dhabi do.

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17 minutes ago, fringo said:

What's the difference between folk in Dubai and those in Abu Dhabi ?

Those in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but those in Abu Dhabi do.

That just made my daughter laugh lol. Thanks

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7 minutes ago, Terry Munro said:

That just made my daughter laugh lol. Thanks

Delighted to hear that.

Plenty more crap jokes where that came from 😁

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8 minutes ago, Terry Munro said:

That just made my daughter laugh lol. Thanks

Ask her - 

Q. What's orange and sounds like a parrot ?

A. a carrot ☺️

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Over 30 years ago i heard a joke upstairs in The Courtyard pub in Hamilton

I thought that it was that funny i actually just about did fall off the wee bar stool i was sitting on around the table

Maybe it was because i was young and had 4 pints or maybe because i couldnt believe anyone would tell that kind of joke even in the late 80s

Some will say it's observational but most will say it's racist stereotyping ...

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6 minutes ago, Ally Bongo said:

Over 30 years ago i heard a joke upstairs in The Courtyard pub in Hamilton

I thought that it was that funny i actually just about did fall off the wee bar stool i was sitting on around the table

Maybe it was because i was young and had 4 pints or maybe because i couldnt believe anyone would tell that kind of joke even in the late 80s

Some will say it's observational but most will say it's racist stereotyping ...

Waiting.....

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13 minutes ago, Ally Bongo said:

Over 30 years ago i heard a joke upstairs in The Courtyard pub in Hamilton

I thought that it was that funny i actually just about did fall off the wee bar stool i was sitting on around the table

Maybe it was because i was young and had 4 pints or maybe because i couldnt believe anyone would tell that kind of joke even in the late 80s

Some will say it's observational but most will say it's racist stereotyping ...

So............

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It's funnier if you do the accents ....

Over in Jamaica, Rastas and Marylou are packing to go their holidays.

They are just about packed

Marylou is in the bedroom and Rastas is in the living room

Rastas shouts - "Marylou - have you seen my sunglasses ? Are they in the bedroom"

Marylou - "No Rastas - I aint seen your sunglasses in here"

Rastas shouts " Marylou - are my sunglasses in the bathroom"

Marylou after checking " No Rastas - your sunglasses aint in here either"

Marylou comes into the living room and Rastas is shaking his head saying " I cant find those sunglasses anywhere"

Marylou cries out "Why Rastas - you are wearing your Sunglasses"

Rastas  -

 

 

"They aint my sunglasses - they my nostrils"

 

Edited by Ally Bongo
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Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.
The first woman said, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job."
The second woman responded, "Oh, that's nothing. I'm thinking of having my a**hole bleached!"

"Whoa," replied the first woman. "I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!

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