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The wife just asked me if I loved her or football the most? I said open your legs and I'll show you, Then I nutmegged her ⚽

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15 hours ago, fringo said:
My wife has packed her bags and gone – just because of my fetish with touching pasta.
I’m feeling cannelloni right now.

Since my wife left I've went a bit crazy.  I've bought a motorbike, got a tattoo and spent about 2 grand on coke and hookers.  She's going to go mad when she gets in from work.

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Local Police hunting the ‘knitting needle nutter’, who has stabbed six people in the rear in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

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2 hours ago, Och Aye said:

Panicked a bit when I seen your name up there Fringo, thinking- He's not went in with a Prince Philip crack this early surely. 

spooky coincidence :ph34r:

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James Bond talking to Ulrika Johnson

James, what a lovely watch you're wearing.

Thank you Ulrika. This watch is state of the art, it tells me anything I need to know- time, dates, places with a direct link to MI5 and MI6. In fact, Ulrika it tells me that at this moment in time your not wearing any knickers under your dress!!

Your watch must be wrong James, I can assure you I do have knickers on under my dress.

Damn, phuckin' things an hour fast again!! 

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