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Skiver hid a muckle win on the gee gees ower the weekend, an is feeling gye flush. He funcies tryin oot een o’ the new barbers in the toon, sae heids aff tae Kleen Kutz on Union Street fir the wirks. Fan he enters, a receptionist hauns him a menu. He disnae like the soond o’ the Bak, Crak an Sak, an settles fir a haircut, weet shave, heid massage an manicure insteed. His nails ar barkit, an he hisnae hid a shave fir a pucklie o’ days, kis he’s bin on a bender. Skiver taks a seat, an aifter a relaxin heid massage, a loon lathers up his chin fir his shave. Then iss stunnner o’ a quine starts workin on his mankie hauns. He funcies his chances, an tries his patter oot on her.
Skiver: ‘Yer daein a braw job darlin. Sicht a saft touch. Am nae intae sunsets, bit a widnae mine seein ye gan doon.’
Manicurist: ‘Ta min, bit am mairraid’
Skiver: ‘Dae ye funcie meetin up fir a wee drinkie the nicht. Jist tell yer man yer meetin a freen.’
Manicurist: ‘Ye kin tell him yersel, he’s gein ye a shave.’

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Since Wimbledon is on at the moment, I thought I would treat myself to a punnet of strawberries.

I googled for the best way to serve them. It said

1. Cut the strawberries in half and place in a bowl
2. Sprinkle with castor sugar
3. Pile cream on top

I tried it, but I cannot recommend this recipe. Pile cream tastes horrible.

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