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A man was marooned on a desert island. One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit. 'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks.

'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it.

She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?'

He said, 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a bottle of Scotch and he has a drink.

Then she unzips her wet suit a bit more and says, 'And when was the last time you played around?'

He looks at her in amazement and says: 'You're not telling me you've got a set of golf clubs in there?'

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Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.
The first woman said, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job."
The second woman responded, "Oh, that's nothing. I'm thinking of having my a**hole bleached!"
"Whoa," replied the first woman. "I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!
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