Huddersfield Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 Stolen from elsewhere: One sunny day in late January 2021, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Trump." The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr Trump is no longer President and no longer resides here." The old man said, "Okay", and walked away. The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Trump." The Marine repeated, "Sir, as I told you yesterday, Mr Trump is no longer President and no longer resides here." The man thanked him and, again, just walked away. The third day, the old man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying again, "I would like to go in and meet with President Trump." The Marine, understandably irritated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you've been here asking to speak to Trump. I've told you each time that he's no longer the President and no longer resides here. Don't you get it?" The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it!" The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, smiled, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted January 9, 2021 Share Posted January 9, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wheres the pies Posted January 9, 2021 Share Posted January 9, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted January 14, 2021 Share Posted January 14, 2021 A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a penguin sitting next to him. "Are you a penguin?" asked the man, surprised. "Yes." "What are you doing at the movies?" The penguin replied, "Well, I liked the book." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted January 14, 2021 Share Posted January 14, 2021 I was once applying for a blacksmiths job and was asked if I had any experience shoeing horses. I said no, but I once told a donkey to f*ck off... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted January 14, 2021 Share Posted January 14, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 OK this is pretty bad even by my standards...heard it on radio today........... This guy orders 1000 bees and when they arrive he counts them and he's actually been sent 1200 bees. So he phones the company and says : " I ordered 1000 bees but when I counted them you actually sent me 1200 bees". The guy from the bee company says "Ach, don't worry about them , they're free bees". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 VID-20210120-WA0002.mp4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 The judge frowned at the tired robber and said, “then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights?” ”Yes, your honour.” “And why was that?” “Because my wife wanted a dress.” The judge check with his records, “But it says here you broke in three nights in a row!” “Yes sir. She made me exchange it two times.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WCTA Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orraloon Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 11 minutes ago, WCTA said: Eh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davy-hay Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 2 hours ago, WCTA said: Haha very good Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Tim Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 9 minutes ago, davy-hay said: Haha very good Well that tells you everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WCTA Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 Sending yourself a reply. Weirdo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Tim Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 32 minutes ago, WCTA said: Sending yourself a reply. Weirdo. There you go. At least that’s funnier than your ‘joke’ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davy-hay Posted January 25, 2021 Share Posted January 25, 2021 Good jokes on here. The mccanns have been fair game for years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Tim Posted January 25, 2021 Share Posted January 25, 2021 11 minutes ago, davy-hay said: Good jokes on here. The mccanns have been fair game for years. Aye, for young neds mostly. Not so much amongst grown men or women. Each to their own though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted January 25, 2021 Share Posted January 25, 2021 How do you make a band stand ? Take away their chairs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted January 25, 2021 Share Posted January 25, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davy-hay Posted January 25, 2021 Share Posted January 25, 2021 5 hours ago, Tiny Tim said: Aye, for young neds mostly. Not so much amongst grown men or women. Each to their own though. Frank boyle fans too. Its not a bunch of neds he performs to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Tim Posted January 25, 2021 Share Posted January 25, 2021 2 hours ago, davy-hay said: Frank boyle fans too. Its not a bunch of neds he performs to. Yes possibly, that's why I said mostly. When I think of the McCanns I don't think so much of the parents that a lot of folk like to blame, I think of the wee lassie and what she must have gone through. Sorry, but I don't find much to laugh at there. Why not bring out the Jimmy Saville jokes too? He shagged mentally ill and disabled kids. A right laugh that is. Thing is, I didn't find any McCann or Saville jokes funny 10 years ago when I first heard them never mind now but you do As I said, each to their own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted January 25, 2021 Share Posted January 25, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wheres the pies Posted January 25, 2021 Share Posted January 25, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davy-hay Posted January 25, 2021 Share Posted January 25, 2021 Best comedian is Bernard manning Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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