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ErsatzThistle

There's A Lad In A Shellsuit ......

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At the back of the house there's a chap (about 35-45) wearing an ancient tracksuit currently screaming mental abuse at someone on the other end of his mobile, stamping his feet on the pavement and banging his fists off the fence.

What should I do ?

Should I phone the polis or something ? Or just let him "burn it out" ?

There's no feckin way in hell I'm going out to speak to him, he looks mad and handy.

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20 minutes ago, ErsatzThistle said:

At the back of the house there's a chap (about 35-45) wearing an ancient tracksuit currently screaming mental abuse at someone on the other end of his mobile, stamping his feet on the pavement and banging his fists off the fence.

What should I do ?

Should I phone the polis or something ? Or just let him "burn it out" ?

There's no feckin way in hell I'm going out to speak to him, he looks mad and handy.

 Video it on your mobile and stop pissing about on here. 

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It's Macy and he's standing there waiting on his evidence. He is merely stamping his feet to keep warm, it's chilly out there. 

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13 minutes ago, Scotland Ever More said:

Stab him

I was going to say if you ever wanted to kill someone now is the ideal time. Big radger shouting, you innocently ask him to calm down he attacks you, you bury a kitchen knife in him. Self Defence everyone heard him shouting.

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If his shell suit has a picture of Darth Vader on the front the fella posts on here so you could pm him to stop being a bam. 

Elsewise don't stab him as its clichéd - have you access to a ten inch rubber penis to club him with?  Couple of years in a mental hospital wing would be all you'd get then. 

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Is he bilingual by chance?

  • Haha 1

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44 minutes ago, ThistleWhistle said:

If his shell suit has a picture of Darth Vader on the front the fella posts on here so you could pm him to stop being a bam. 

Elsewise don't stab him as its clichéd - have you access to a ten inch rubber penis to club him with?  Couple of years in a mental hospital wing would be all you'd get then. 

Good point I was so focused on the chance to murder someone I didn't take the time to think about how cliched a stabbing would be. He could asphyxiate him with it.

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It must be the arse-end of the new year holiday, parliament in recess, and football winter break.

Just a few short degrees of slippery separation from phone rage to bilingually aggravated murder by dildo.

Edited by exile

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10 minutes ago, exile said:

It must be the arse-end of the new year holiday, parliament in recess, and football winter break.

Just a few short degrees of slippery separation from phone rage to bilingually aggravated murder by dildo.

Really don't know what version of cluedo you got for Christmas?

  • Haha 1

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21 minutes ago, bonzo said:

Really don't know what version of cluedo you got for Christmas?

The special limited edition Tartan Army Message Board version.

I want to know who the characters are !

*Mrs Ormond, Colonel Parklife, Miss DoonTheSlope, Professor Squirrelhumper, Miss TDYER63 & Reverend Orraloon perhaps ?

The weapons being a fitba, a ginger bottle, a ceramic statue of Barry Ferguson, an XL 2007 maroon away strip, a framed signed photo of Craig Levein & by popular request a large dildo.

Whodunnit ?

*No offence meant to anyone named :ok:

Edited by ErsatzThistle

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1 hour ago, ErsatzThistle said:

The special limited edition Tartan Army Message Board version.

I want to know who the characters are !

*Mrs Ormond, Colonel Parklife, Miss DoonTheSlope, Professor Squirrelhumper, Miss TDYER63 & Reverend Orraloon perhaps ?

The weapons being a fitba, a ginger bottle, a ceramic statue of Barry Ferguson, an XL 2007 maroon away strip, a framed signed photo of Craig Levein & by popular request a large dildo.

Whodunnit ?

*No offence meant to anyone named :ok:

Perhaps death by Glengarry feather? 

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Was it a proper old school shell suit in a suitably offensive high visibility colour? The uniform of choice in Edinburgh for the less desirable types seems to be the grey hoodie / cotton joggies combo. So vanilla.  

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8 minutes ago, McDange said:

Was it a proper old school shell suit in a suitably offensive high visibility colour? The uniform of choice in Edinburgh for the less desirable types seems to be the grey hoodie / cotton joggies combo. So vanilla.  

Oh it was a proper old school eighties/nineties tracksuit with red and white stripes (colours faded though) going all ower the place. A real collectors item.

Edited by ErsatzThistle

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If there were big bite marks on the suit and the knees ripped to fuck on broken glass then I could hazard a guess. 

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2 hours ago, G-Man said:

If there were big bite marks on the suit and the knees ripped to fuck on broken glass then I could hazard a guess. 

🤣🤣🤣🤣. Guilty as charged. 😃

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1 hour ago, wheres the pies said:

Does he have a perm and a large moustache?

Calm down. 

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