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1 hour ago, thplinth said:

People can say what they will about shit paper.

5 ply all the way.

Even if you buy 4 ply you are still a mug.

As for those idiots buying 3 ply...

 

Back on thread, I’ve always wondered who decided the size of a sheet of toilet paper. Because who would fuckin just use ONE sheet, ever?!? I’m grabbing at least FOUR sheets, folded, before going in for the wipe. One sheet would just disappear up my ringpiece. One sheet is just nae good for anything. 

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9 hours ago, McTeeko said:

Back on thread, I’ve always wondered who decided the size of a sheet of toilet paper. Because who would fuckin just use ONE sheet, ever?!? I’m grabbing at least FOUR sheets, folded, before going in for the wipe. One sheet would just disappear up my ringpiece. One sheet is just nae good for anything. 

You've got to use at least four.

Isn't it annoying when you've sat there for a while, thinking you've done the business, you have that smug look on yer face as you feel pretty sure that you've had a clean break before having a courtesy wipe. Then the world collapses. You wipe, you inspect the paper and discover that there is half a shite attached to the bog roll. Where did that come from? Then you frantically reach for more paper, more paper, practically scrubbing until you are able to get somewhere approaching clean. You get it to that stage where there is only a tiny hint of brown on the paper and think fuck it, that will do. You know full well that skidmarks are on the cards on removal of the drawers later in the day, unacceptable but it provides a wee chuckle nonetheless. 

 

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Agreed. And the Japanese are on the pinching edge of jobby clear up technology. The are the NASArse of crapper manufacturers. I have wondered how the wee wand thing would cope with explosive diarrhea but. You know that stuff that defies physics.

Edited by thplinth
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As a man who's anal hygiene routine very much involves the use of multiple wet wipes after a bowel movement, I've always wanted to experience the Japanese robotoilet. 
 

A stream of high pressure water aimed directly at the action area both worries and intrigues. Will the jobbie water be splattered everywhere? Will the area be effectively cleaned? Will I need to use paper too? Will the paper become saturated and break up as I try to wipe? 
 

Anyone ever used the robotoilet and can advise on the above? So many questions, so little answers around online (top tip: do not google "Asian anal cleaning" on your work PC). 

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2 hours ago, Farcity said:

You've got to use at least four.

Isn't it annoying when you've sat there for a while, thinking you've done the business, you have that smug look on yer face as you feel pretty sure that you've had a clean break before having a courtesy wipe. Then the world collapses. You wipe, you inspect the paper and discover that there is half a shite attached to the bog roll. Where did that come from? Then you frantically reach for more paper, more paper, practically scrubbing until you are able to get somewhere approaching clean. You get it to that stage where there is only a tiny hint of brown on the paper and think fuck it, that will do. You know full well that skidmarks are on the cards on removal of the drawers later in the day, unacceptable but it provides a wee chuckle nonetheless. 

 

Yes. Annoying as fuck. Especially after when you smear the shite around your hole and miss wee bits and they later harden and stick to your arse hair with what seems like industrial strength superglue and the only way to remove them is to snip them off with scissors. 

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So reading some of the replies I was thinking about getting a stationary bike for cross training.

This seems cheap, also has a lot of positive reviews, anyone got any personal experience?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ultrasport-Exercise-Training-Computer-Collapsible/dp/B00FZM5WEM/ref=sr_1_5?crid=3LP9RKAOLX9CY&dchild=1&keywords=exercise%2Bbike%2Bfor%2Bhome&qid=1596443062&sprefix=excercise%2B%2Caps%2C156&sr=8-5&th=1

ultrasport-f-bike-home-trainer-150-200b.

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I love this thread. So handy, these are the wee snippets and handy bits of advice you never seem to get from the usual channels. This is what it's all about. 

Dangleberries though. Once removed it is virtually impossible to simply toss away, oh no, you've got to roll them around a wee bit, if they are still attached to a hair the temptation to twirl it around like a wee broon helicopter is irresistible. 

Edited by Farcity
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35 minutes ago, Farcity said:

I love this thread. So handy, these are the wee snippets and handy bits of advice you never seem to get from the usual channels. This is what it's all about. 

Dangleberries though. Once removed it is virtually impossible to simply toss away, oh no, you've got to roll them around a wee bit, if they are still attached to a hair the temptation to twirl it around like a wee broon helicopter is irresistible. 

Dangleberries - no heard that term for years! Viz was always using that word along with cling-ons and winnits. 

 

Viz - what a great comic that was as a teenager growing up. I learned how to pump a lassie by reading Sid the Sexist. I wonder if he’s ever had his hole yet 🤨

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It was indeed, Postman Plod was a favourite of mine. The letters page and top tips were excellent too. 

Imagine my shock at getting a letter from my doctor advising me I only had a month to live but thankfully the letter was not for me but for my son with the same name who lives with us. Close call, Yours

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4 hours ago, Parklife said:

As a man who's anal hygiene routine very much involves the use of multiple wet wipes after a bowel movement, I've always wanted to experience the Japanese robotoilet. 
 

A stream of high pressure water aimed directly at the action area both worries and intrigues. Will the jobbie water be splattered everywhere? Will the area be effectively cleaned? Will I need to use paper too? Will the paper become saturated and break up as I try to wipe? 
 

Anyone ever used the robotoilet and can advise on the above? So many questions, so little answers around online (top tip: do not google "Asian anal cleaning" on your work PC). 

The Japanese experience is, well almost indescribable.

Theres more controls than a Sky remote control, a warm dash to let you you prepare, then a splurge of water followed by hot air to dry, all with music being played, even a light show in some toilets. Toilet paper is there if you need it, but you just look at it for what it really is, just shitey paper, no thank you.

Definitely the best toilet experience you will have.

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I guess the mods are exactly what I thought. They let certain posters do whatevwr the fuck they want , disrespect another posters thread, and do nothing. That's the way this board has gone now. Completely downhill. It's become a joke. Your clubs are all shite btw, and Celtic will still stroll this league again..Good luck fighting relegation.. Hail Hail..

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6 minutes ago, Big Ramy 1314 said:

I guess the mods are exactly what I thought. They let certain posters do whatevwr the fuck they want , disrespect another posters thread, and do nothing. That's the way this board has gone now. Completely downhill. It's become a joke. Your clubs are all shite btw, and Celtic will still stroll this league again..Good luck fighting relegation.. Hail Hail..

Don't feel sad Ramy, all this talk of shite and arseholes is with you firmly in mind. 

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On 8/2/2020 at 9:08 AM, Fairbairn said:

If you’re going to call someone an idiot you probably want to make sure you use the correct grammar. 
 

I’d also be interested to see what examples you have of McCoist being bigoted? 

Ramy, I might have missed it among all the Japanese bog chat but did you manage to dig out those examples of McCoist being bigoted?

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26 minutes ago, Big Ramy 1314 said:

I guess the mods are exactly what I thought. They let certain posters do whatevwr the fuck they want , disrespect another posters thread, and do nothing. That's the way this board has gone now. Completely downhill. It's become a joke. Your clubs are all shite btw, and Celtic will still stroll this league again..Good luck fighting relegation.. Hail Hail..

NO you RH & big Ron are the reason, wake up & smell the coffee ffs 👍

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25 minutes ago, Big Ramy 1314 said:

I guess the mods are exactly what I thought. They let certain posters do whatevwr the fuck they want , disrespect another posters thread, and do nothing.

Like you and your tediously dull mate RH spamming every thread with inane post and inane post? 

25 minutes ago, Big Ramy 1314 said:

That's the way this board has gone now. Completely downhill.

I'd say the "downhill" descent is directly related to your posting.

25 minutes ago, Big Ramy 1314 said:

It's become a joke. Your clubs are all shite btw, and Celtic will still stroll this league again..Good luck fighting relegation.. Hail Hail..

Every team is shite apart from Celtic? Weird that you'd take enjoyment at glory hunting a team who can only beat "shite" teams. 

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