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The latest cost cutting idea from Mr Tdyer.

Last Friday night my daughter and i were chatting in the kitchen and Mr Tdyer walks in with a long plank of wood. He walked over to the fridge and brought out a pot of strawberry jam and started smearing the jam over the wood. 

I thought he had lost his mind,  so asked him what he was doing . He said ‘ I am making a trap for the hornets’ . 

‘What hornets’ I asked. 

‘The hornets in the hedge in the front garden, there are hundreds of them. I read online that this works’ he says.

So I left him to it. I have long given up questioning his bizarre antics. 

Just as we were going to bed he says ‘ Oh, I had better bring the hornet trap in or the old lady in the mobility scooter wont get past in the morning’.

I said ‘where exactly is this hornet trap ? ‘

’On the pavement on the road outside the house, below the hedge’ he says. 

‘Whit?’ I said, ‘you have left a long plank of wood smeared with jam on the pavement on the main road ? ‘ 

He went away to get it and when he came back in i said ‘how many did you catch? ‘ 

‘240’ he says. 

I said ‘how many did you really catch ? ‘

’None’ he replied. 

I said ‘exactly how is this trap meant to work, do the hornets just fly onto the jam and get stuck ?’

‘No , no ‘ he says, it more complicated than that. ‘They fly under the plank of wood , get stuck on the jam, then drop into the water’. 

‘What water ? ‘ I asked.

‘The basin of soapy water that the plank of wood is suspended on’ he says.

’ Wtf !! , are you telling me you have a basin of soapy water sitting on the pavement outside with a long plank of  wood suspended on top ?’

’Yes’ he says,  then scurried off to bed.

 

I honestly wish I was making this story up but it is completely true.  

Please share your similar DIY disasters. 

PS. 4 hornets have been caught to date, and about 5000 ants.

Infact the ants may have killed the hornets. 

 

 

 

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37 minutes ago, G-Man said:

Look at you with your hornet chat! You’re fae Paisley, it’s wasps.

 

That was Mr Tdyers terminology, he is getting ideas above his station in BoW with pints of Peroni and a wine bar. I remember when it was cans  of Breaker in Barshaw Park.  

There is definetely a difference between wasps and hornets though. Wasps may be wee bassas but at least they just zoom right in and sting you.

Hornets, on the other hand, hover around in a sort of insect trance, bringing psycological terror to each of their victims. 

It shouldnt be funny I know,  but when I am looking out the window I can see people strolling along the pavement  outside our house then fleeing across to the other side of the road  , batting away imaginary hornets. 

Any environental health folk out there? A 4 pack of Breaker awaits you. 

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EU driven ?

Hornets are mainly orange and brown with hardly any black on them FYI - usually live on or near trees as they like the sap

I had a wasp in the bathroom this morning and while my first instinct due to it being the size of a bus was hornet - but it wasnt

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2 hours ago, Ally Bongo said:

EU driven ?

Hornets are mainly orange and brown with hardly any black on them FYI - usually live on or near trees as they like the sap

I had a wasp in the bathroom this morning and while my first instinct due to it being the size of a bus was hornet - but it wasnt

Aye , that MSM media didnt tell us the 26,000 additional migrants that have arrived in Scotland are actually hornets. 

The hedge we have is made from beech leaves, dont know if that helps narrow down the hornet/wasp question ?

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1 minute ago, TDYER63 said:

Aye , that MSM media didnt tell us the 26,000 additional migrants that have arrived in Scotland are actually hornets. 

The hedge we have is made from beech leaves, dont know if that helps narrow down the hornet/wasp question ?

You need to catch one and measure the length of it's sting.

 

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2 hours ago, bonzo said:

I bought this yesterday 

https://photos.app.goo.gl/EPS0ODs2ZLhJQhQK2

50p in the pound shop. It's an electronic fly zapper. I've fried a fair few already. And I'm now the British number 6 at tennis. 

😂

My hornets would chew right through that thing.   Good value right enough, Mr Tidy would be impressed. Might get him one for his Xmas stocking. 

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42 minutes ago, Orraloon said:

Do they look like this?

 

 

 

Right, I have gone out to the trap, unfortunately it is empty so I have checked the hedge. I am too frightened to go any closer, they are doing that hovering thing, and looking at me menacingly .  I will try and get a picture when I had some wine to give me courage. I did notice quite a lot of yellow on one of the less agile ones . 

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55 minutes ago, Orraloon said:

We need photos. I am 99% convinced that these will be wasps you a talking about here. Enough with the Americanisms. 

Don’t listen she once saw hornets in a country estate and is now claiming them for herself. I doubt they’re even wasps, probably just midgies and bluebottles. 

15 minutes ago, TDYER63 said:

Aye , that MSM media didnt tell us the 26,000 additional migrants that have arrived in Scotland are actually hornets. 

The hedge we have is made from beech leaves, dont know if that helps narrow down the hornet/wasp question ?

This is what I mean Orra, ‘“beech leaves”, I’ve seen the garden and it’s full of pee the beds and moss. 

Edited by G-Man
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14 minutes ago, TDYER63 said:

😂

My hornets would chew right through that thing.   Good value right enough, Mr Tidy would be impressed. Might get him one for his Xmas stocking. 

I'm feart to leave the batteries in it though. A 50p tennis racket that gives off an electrical current, sure to burn the hoose doon😶

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8 minutes ago, G-Man said:

I’ve seen the garden and it’s full of pee the beds and moss. 

Thats why i need a thick beech hedge , to hide it  !  At least i think its beech, another Mr Tdyer description, it could be made of tea leaves for all i know about gardening. 

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11 minutes ago, bonzo said:

I'm feart to leave the batteries in it though. A 50p tennis racket that gives off an electrical current, sure to burn the hoose doon😶

Handy for a barbecue right enough. 

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You can be stung by a wasp and not feel it at the time - only feeling the itch minutes later as the swelling starts

Thats not the case with a hornet - instant ouch

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13 minutes ago, Orraloon said:

I'm starting to think that they might be hover flies. Anybody who kills hover flies needs a swift boot in the baws.

Has anybody been stung yet?

Only Mr Tdyer. I am too scared to pass them to get to the shops for food  so we have to have takeaways the last 2 nights. I have had 2 glasses of wine and still no going near them. He would have been cheaper getting Rentokil in. 

They are definetely not flies. 

 

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