Armchair Bob

TAMB has known he was bent for the best part of a decade. If not out and out corruption, then at the very least his proclivity for donkey cock.

That's my preferred approach to everything. Except tomatoes. One day I will grow a decent vine of tomatoes, my token attempt at gardening, but so far a good crop has eluded me. Oh yeah, and tonight I'm going to replace the plughole in the bathroom sink. Not expecting that to go well.

On second thoughts, Orgasmatron would be a better UK anthem: I am the one, Orgasmatron, the outstretched grasping hand My image is of agony, my servants rape the land Obsequious and arrogant, clandestine and vain Two thousand years of misery, of torture in my name Hypocrisy made paramount, paranoia the law My name is called religion, sadistic, sacred whore. I twist the truth, I rule the world, my crown is called deceit I am the emperor of lies, you grovel at my feet I rob you and I slaughter you, your downfall is my gain And still you play the sycophant and revel in you pain And all my promises are lies, all my love is hate I am the politician, and I decide your fate.

It makes perfect sense. Donald Dewar > Jack McConnell > Wendy Alexander > Iain Gray > Johann Lamont > Jim Murphy > Kezia Dugdale > ?? Now that Richard Baker has quit politics, there's no obvious candidate who is even worse than Dugdale to keep alive Scottish Labour's tradition of always voting for a more inept leader than the last one.

In tribute to Lemmy, this would be an awesome anthem:

Rule Britannia would be good too except 1. its about Britain 2. the verse is tricky to sing Jerusalem is a cracking song, would get my vote. As an aside when I was a teenager I thought it was a song that slagged England off, with its 'dark satanic mills' and 'green unpleasant land'. Being a rabid hillwalker I couldn't imagine how Albion's plain could be described any other way.

According to the BBC. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-35296296 What should it be - Jerusalem? Swing Low Sweet Chariot? Land of Hope and Glory? The theme tune to the Archers?

Fair play to him, I don't expect to applaud anything else the fat idiot does.

Wrote some great songs for other artists (e.g. Iggy Pop) but never seen the appeal in his own stuff. For me it is the classic cameo in Zoolander that he will be best remembered: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InIxKCa3H9g

Try The Scottish Review for a few months.

Not been to that many cities, especially outside Europe. But of the ones I have, the ones I've enjoyed most: Seattle Las Vegas Singapore Prague London Would like to see Vancouver (lifestyle), Chicago (architecture), New York (the buzz), Melbourne (family), Athens (ruins) and Shanghai (family).

Was there a treasure map on the back of it?? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0368891/

A good effort, but if I was going to visit cities for their hills, I'd probably just stay put...

There's feck all to do in London. No hills, no bothies, no forest trails for mountain biking, no fishing, no sailing, no scuba diving, precious few canoeing spots. Lord knows what people get up to in the free time. Though as cities go, yeah, it's up there. It's because Scots are more likely to kick off with a rude ignorant fecker. Same reason rednecks are so polite in the deep south of the USA.

I was in Germany recently and was horrified to bite into my burger and find a mouse in it! "waiter," I said, "kellner!" He ambled over and had a look. "Cheer up," he said, "it could be wurst."

My all time top favourite joke

Personally I admire her. If a brassy chancher with no discernable talents and a mean streak as wide as the Clyde can get as far as the house of lords just by flashing her tits at some evil bastards, what could the rest of us do if we had no scruples? She is an example to us all.

a better illustration of the jobs for the boys mentality you could not find. God forbid a former Labour MP would have to find a job based on their skills and experience like the rest of humanity.

silverburn? You guys are lucky. This year we are doing home made Christmas. Basically spending a week of our lives making stuff that would be far more efficient getting some Chinese gadgie to make in a factory. The personal touch. But you know it has gone too far when the missus is making her own wrapping paper. Can't wait for the weekend, might start feeling like a holiday then.

That would be better - anyway, how was your sniff?

I'd rather sniff a cats arse.

If I were editing that id replace the whole thing with 'the trouble with conventional wisdom is it is often pish'.

What's eating you, did a chippie screw your wife?

Fairbairn. I worry for you. It's the right shoe / sock / glove as has to go on first. Every time.

That's a belter