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Since it's a Wednesday.....


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1 hour ago, DoonTheSlope said:

Lionel Richie has opened up chain of butchers aimed at the Islamic community. He has called them Halal, is it meat your looking for?

On a side note, I see he is heading for McD for a concert. That’s up your alley DTS.

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Just now, DoonTheSlope said:

Biggest crowd since Fabian Barthez?

We used to have that religious cunt Billy Graham from the States who would baptise grown men in a huge paddling pool on the park. That had more people than seats as all seats were taken plus piles of his cult followers on the park. Not sure if it’s happened in the last couple of years or not though. 

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Just to let you know I'm in hospital and they are keeping me in. I've only gone and poisoned myself(typical). What I thought was a simple onion turned out to be a daffodil bulb. I'm feeling ok but they said I should be out sometime in the Spring.

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A young lad meets a young lass at a club. After a great night, he walks her home to her parents' house. He asks her if there's any chance he can use the loo before he goes home.

"No chance" she says. "Dad would kill you if he heard you. I'll tell you what, just go in the sink & then get gone."

A minute later he pops his head around the door. "Ah thanks for that. Just one more thing - where do you keep the toilet roll?"

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5 hours ago, Ormond said:

Just to let you know I'm in hospital and they are keeping me in. I've only gone and poisoned myself(typical). What I thought was a simple onion turned out to be a daffodil bulb. I'm feeling ok but they said I should be out sometime in the Spring.

Do you feel more in love with yourself than you normally do?;)

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5 hours ago, Ormond said:

Just to let you know I'm in hospital and they are keeping me in. I've only gone and poisoned myself(typical). What I thought was a simple onion turned out to be a daffodil bulb. I'm feeling ok but they said I should be out sometime in the Spring.

:Tumbleweed-2:

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  • 2 weeks later...

I went to the doctors this morning and was seen to straight away. The doctor asked what the problem was so told him "Ive constantly had really itchy bollocks, day and night, night and day I'm constantly scratching myself"

He asked me to pull down my trousers and pants and he examined me.

It turns out that I've got crabs. He told me on my way home to go into Sainsbury's and get a bag of caster sugar and rub it into my balls. I asked him "will this kill them off" he said "no, it rots their teeth so you'll get a good nights sleep"

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