Ally Bongo Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 1. I woke up to hear knocking on glass. At first, I thought it was the window until I heard it come from the mirror again. 2. The last thing I saw was my alarm clock flashing 12:07 before she pushed her long rotting nails through my chest, her other hand muffling my screams. I sat bolt upright, relieved it was only a dream, but as I saw my alarm clock read 12:06, I heard my closet door creak open. 3. Growing up with cats and dogs. I got used to the sounds of scratching at my door while I slept. Now that I live alone, it is much more unsettling. 4. In all of the time that I've lived alone in this house. I swear to God I've closed more doors than I've opened. 5. A girl heard her mom yell her name from downstairs, so she got up and started to head down. As she got to the stairs, her mom pulled her into her room and said "I heard that, too." 6. She asked why I was breathing so heavily. I wasn't. 7. My wife woke me up last night to tell me there was an intruder in our house. She was murdered by an intruder 2 years ago. 8. I awoke to the sound of the baby monitor crackling with a voice comforting my firstborn child. As I adjusted to a new position, my arm brushed against my wife, sleeping next to me. 9. I always thought my cat had a staring problem - she always seemed fixated on my face. Until one day, when I realized that she was always looking just behind me. 10. There's nothing like the laughter of a baby. Unless it's 1 a.m. and you're home alone. 11. I was having a pleasant dream when what sounded like hammering woke me. After that, I could barely hear the muffled sound of dirt covering the coffin over my own screams. 12."I can't sleep," she whispered, crawling into bed with me. I woke up cold, clutching the dress she was buried in. 13. I begin tucking him into bed and he tells me. °Daddy. Check for monsters under my bed." I look underneath for his amusement and see him, another him, under the bed, staring back at me quivering and whispering. "Daddy, there's somebody on my bed." 14. You get home, tired after a long day's work and ready for a relaxing night alone. You reach for the light switch, but another hand is already there. 15. I can't move, breathe, speak or hear and it's so dark all the time. If I knew it would be this lonely. I would have been cremated instead. 16. She went upstairs to check on her sleeping toddler. The window was open and the bed was empty. 17. I never go to sleep. But I keep waking up. 18. My daughter won't stop crying and screaming in the middle of the night. I visit her grave and ask her to stop, but it doesn't help. 19. After working a hard day, I came home to see my girlfriend cradling our child. I didn't know which was more frightening, seeing my dead girlfriend and stillborn child, or knowing that someone broke into my apartment to place them there. 20. There was a picture in my phone of me sleeping. I live alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G-Man Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 Thanks ya big bas tard. Between number 13 and the sweet sweet milky man on here I'll be happy for insomnia! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ally Bongo Posted September 10, 2017 Author Share Posted September 10, 2017 7 minutes ago, G-Man said: Thanks ya big bas tard. Between number 13 and the sweet sweet milky man on here I'll be happy for insomnia! Smooch x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G-Man Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 FFS, just noticed your avatar. Scaring the tamb to death?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ally Bongo Posted September 10, 2017 Author Share Posted September 10, 2017 4 minutes ago, G-Man said: FFS, just noticed your avatar. Scaring the tamb to death?! Probably one that signifies talking cack would have been better but it is a cracking pic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reevesy Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 Number 8 ffs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbcmfc Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 I shouldn't have read that before I went to bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ormond Posted September 12, 2017 Share Posted September 12, 2017 On 9/11/2017 at 4:10 AM, Reevesy said: Number 8 ffs Exactly what I thought. Ally disnae need tae keep going on about his Wife FFS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ally Bongo Posted September 12, 2017 Author Share Posted September 12, 2017 27 minutes ago, Ormond said: Exactly what I thought. Ally disnae need tae keep going on about his Wife FFS I dont have one I know that might come as a surprise (100% hetro i may add before the wisecracks appear) (not that there is anything wrong with being homosexual) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G-Man Posted September 12, 2017 Share Posted September 12, 2017 1 hour ago, Ally Bongo said: (100% hetro i may add before the wisecracks appear) (not that there is anything wrong with being homosexual) To paraphrase........"He doth protest too much." Thats you down to 83%. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ally Bongo Posted September 12, 2017 Author Share Posted September 12, 2017 16 minutes ago, G-Man said: To paraphrase........"He doth protest too much." Thats you down to 83%. Protesting too much is saying "I'm not gay but my boyfriend is" You would be raging if i was gay Fact Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G-Man Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 53 minutes ago, Ally Bongo said: You would be raging if i was gay Fact See, the board gives people so much confidence! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fairbairn Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 Should number 4 not just be one sentence? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnyTJS Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 Yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobster Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 1 hour ago, Fairbairn said: Should number 4 not just be one sentence? 36 minutes ago, DonnyTJS said: Yes. It is Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMcoolJ Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 FFS. 5 and 13. I will need a dram to help me sleep tonight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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